Laughter Corner

"According to a new U.N. report, the global warming outlook is much worse than originally predicted. Which is pretty bad when they originally predicted it would destroy the planet." --Jay Leno

"The report on climate change said that humans are very likely making the planet warmer. To which Hillary Clinton said, 'Hey, can't blame me for that one.'" --Jay Leno

"President Bush has a plan. He says that if we need to, we can lower the temperature dramatically just by switching from Fahrenheit to Celsius" --Jimmy Kimmel

"It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature."  — Steven Wright

"Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, humidity, and other variables, the organism will do as it damn well pleases."  — Anonymous

"A Harvard Medical School study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby's temperature. Plus, it really teaches the baby who's boss."

  — Tina Fey/Saturday Night Live "Weekend Update"

"We object to the phrase 'junk food.' In the industry, the term we use is 'high-margin non-nutritive food product.' "

  — snack food industry spokesman